life unraveling.

So can you picture this? Sweet, smart Jewish girl in her 20’s has a restraining order put against her?  Okay, really?  Who do you think you are.  So daddy has to hire a lawyer.  And not just any lawyer will do.  We need one to get baby girl back into college.  And we need him STAT.  Where do you turn.  Remember, we’re in Missouri.  You turn to Ken.  The man who turned into salvation for the family.  The man who quickly became family.  The man who joined the family for a wonderfully animated graduation dinner.  This dinner was served exactly four years after the girl started college and for that, we’re forever grateful to our Ken.  

 For more than 30 years Ken Chackes has been representing individuals whose legal rights have been violated.  Her legal rights and her pride was totally violated here.  Ken’s current practice is focused on sexual abuse law, employment law, and disability rights.  Who knew she had a disability, but this is what the paperwork said.  She was being denied her right to equal education and it was really a shame.  A crazy shame.  She’d studied for her SATs, taken all her AP classes at her swanky prep school.  Could it really be that this heart-throb  from New Hampshire was keeping her from graduating?  Bizarre, yet sadly true.

So let’s take a step or two back.  His name was Brian Clark.  They were united on the first day of school in their advisors home.  Both were slated to be history majors, or at least that’s what Facebook said.  The group chatted about life and history, their histories and the world’s.  They were in college now.  They sipped wine as they discussed.  The attraction was immediate.  He was the super star blonde haired scruffy hockey player and she was the tall, thin NY chick wearing clogs, cut offs and a t-shirt.  If she had to recall, she’d swear her bra was blue.  Brian played it cool, though with him it wasn’t playing.  His coolness was chilling.  He wore a Dartmouth hunter green T, though he never did apply.  Too close to home he’d insist.  Together and out of sight, they giggled about their advisor’s apparent sexuality.  It was 1992, and being a lesbian still seemed a bit funny.  Especially to brian who called her every name in the book.  Together they left the meeting, thrilled with their new dating prospect.  After all, it was night one at college and it was awesome to be so readily connected.  And connected they were.  All day, everyday.  24 hours a day, it was Laurin and Brian.  Brian and Laurin.  They spent their school years together, though Laurin would soon switch majors and head towards Spanish literature.  He stayed true to the history and the rest, as they say, was history.  Not the good kind either.  The kind that made you sad enough to cry and then when you did finally cry, you felt it in your bones.   Your throat burned, your back ached.  Your eyelashes stung. There were many sad days to come, but for them, their love was just getting started.  And what a true love they had.

Everything was funny.  The phrase soylent green is made out of people never ceased to make laurin laugh out loud.  Why was it so funny and what did it ever mean?  Who knew, but it was hysterical.  As were the out-takes from Cady Shack and Wayne and Ted’s.  Laughing kept them going and out of trouble.  After a long and arduous first year at school, they decided they’d meet one another’s families.  Her’s were typical NY jews and his were the laid back protestant type from the North.  The visit to his town came first and it was magical.

She took a bus all the way up to New Hampshire and was met by him right away.  The kiss was long and intimate.  It was all they knew.  As they drove by the enormous trailer park, he made the right turn in.  He promised theirs was the pretty-ish one in the center.  Nervous, but in love, she smiled and stayed quiet.  Minutes later, the gig was up.  He was joking and they pressed on.  Finally they landed at the most super home in Hanover.  His parents were warm and welcoming and most likely loaded on local beer.  Their home was stunning and looked to be right out of the pages of a cottage magazine.  His two blond and beautiful sisters were cold at first but soon they were all in love.  We were thrilled and excited for our time together to begin. 

The first and most vivid memory years late was our time at Mount Washington.  Next time we’ll hike without Buru.  Buru would have been his dad.  I wonder if he’s still well.  What a man he was.  She loved him with every kind word.  They settled into their 3 hotel rooms and her nerves were on high.  She could not believe the arrangements.  Parents in one room, sisters in the other.  Brian and Laurin together? Forever andever.  As if.  So they threw their stuff on the bed and grabbed their in-line skates.  Back then they were simply termed “roller blades”.  Brian was the best, and laurin had learned to follow suit.  Stopping wasn’t really an option, but she relied on him for that.  And for most everything.  They skated and explored and loved the outside air.  By evening they were nearly too tired for dinner.  The family retreated to a nearby pub and a few pints and chicken wings later, they were ready for sleep.

Pleasantries were said.  Hugs were exchanged and within the hour, all were asleep.  Buru woke brian and laurin (read awkard) from a dead sleep.  It was 5 am, and time for the hike up Mount Washington.  Did we mention this was the tallest mountain east of the missisippi?  Also had the worst weather changes?  Laurin was sort of prepared in cut-offs, Nike hiking boots from woodbury commons and an Israeli army t-shirt mom and dad had brought home.  Complete with his North Face pull-over and she was ready to roll.  And by roll I mean hike at 5:30am.  They gathered up their packs and they set out in the haze.  For Laurin this was an amazing site.  Buru was wishing we’d packed coffee.  They walked and walked and when they were proud enough they stopped to snack.  Nothing tasted better than the fresh Vermont cheddar and the Stone Wheat thins Dorothy had packed for them.  Seven layer bars loaded with chocolate, caramel, coconut and graham crackers were sucked back so fast, they hardly absorbed the calories.  And then when the rest was through they walked.  And then they climbed.  It wasn’t easy, but it was most certainly satisfying.  Even when the clouds turned gray, the walk was divine.  Parts became nearly technical, but together they carried on.  Together they carried on.  So carry on.

From hiking to canoeing to cooking, their time in Vermont and New Hampshire was well spent.  The love and friendship was so strong you could nearly smell it.  Or perhaps that was the need for a shower?  Hard call.  When their week came to an end, the goodbyes were sad.  It was like a family parting. 

Brian and Laurin hopped in the Jeep and headed to Jersey.  Again the jokes were abundant, but the ride was a blast.  They were in her hometown soon enough and her parents were as welcoming as his.  The non-jewish factor was an issue, but they tried to be gentle.  Big family dinners were had.  They went to Broadway to see a hot show.  Together they walked arm in arm along Hudson and then Madison.  They appeared perfect and perfect they were to be. 

Summer ended, like it always does.  At the end of August.  Kids headed back to school en masse.  It was a happy reunion for Laurin et al, and her friends were thrilled to see her skinny self.  September came and went and then it was Halloween.  Things began to get creepy. 

Laurin wasn’t eating much.  She didn’t seem to be sleeping either.  Her thoughts were quick her words were quicker.  Her look was vacuous. Halloween was scary and Laurin was worse.  No one knew what was going on, but her closest friends were getting nervous.  Finally her roommate phone Laurin’s parents.  Mostly to chat about the fact that she was no longer showering or changing her clothes.  Laurin’s dad joked that this was no great  surprise.  Brian semi-agreed and then implored upon her dad to come to the rescue.  His (their) laurin was not right and everyone was getting anxious.  Everyone that was, except for Laurin.  She just seemed to sail above everyone. 

This trip was short lived.  Quickly she stopped speaking so fast and then without warning she stopped speaking at all.  She went from happy go lucky to no luck at all.  Her one and only favorite place to be was in the library, surrounded by her books.  Seemingly she was studying, but she wasn’t doing that at all.  She was always in a rush.  Always clutching her books.  Always without a coat.  And it was getting cold.

Not even her daddy could get through to her.  She wouldn’t give him the time of day.  She was too busy.  Studying.  Running.  Heading to the library.  It was after-all, nearly exam time and she needed to be perfect.  In every way.  Perfect.  Right.  That’s what we were going for here.  But the look was not good.  Not even in the Missouri moonlight.  The look was tired.  Skinny. Pale.  The look was hungry.  His eyes welled up as she stared past him into the night.  Where did his girl go? Where was their girl?  She’d always been everyone’s favorite.  Sweet and thoughtful, where could she be?  She was right there standing beside him, but she wasn’t really there.  He begged her to join him in that stinky rental car and time and time again, she refused the invite.  She was cold and hungry and she had to rush to the library.  Again.  Tonight she’d study everything.  But mostly she’d just watch the clock tick tock.

Brian got involved right from the start.  He missed his Laurin more than anyone, he was sure.  He had no one to talk to.  In his own words, he felt like an island.  Without her, he had no one.  Each night was the same as he cried himself to sleep. 

Brian left school, claiming he was too hurt to function.  Her friends were out of sorts, and it was a strange winter term.  Doctors weren’t able to work it out,  and so they landed on a weak depression diagnosis.  Barnes Hospital was to become her home for the foreseeable future.  Who would have ever thought?  Floor nine.  Bars on the windows.  This was hell.  This was surely Missouri. 

All of her personal effects, as they say, were stripped.  Even her clothes were stowed for good measure.  This was callous.  It was cold.  This was Missouri no doubt.