I've always wanted to have the power to act like a "fly on the wall". While i'm a fairly confident girl, I always believed it would be fun to know what people actually think of you. You know, to know what they say when you get up to leave the table. A close friend of mine always jokes when describing her family, "we're very nice people, just don't leave the room".
I'm pretty sure this sentiment is true for most families. Maybe it's human nature. Perhaps people are just more insecure than they think? Not sure about the science, but I do know that people (especially of the female persuasion) are prone to talking about friends behind their backs.
I'll admit that I have done it in the past. But I've tried so hard to refine my ways. Honest, I have. Especially living in a close knit city like Toronto. I find here you just never know who knows who. Scary enough, in first months in TO, when I was still in graduate school, I learned this from a total stranger. He was interviewing me for a job in consumer products. Halfway through the meeting he says, "TO is a small town. Be careful not to ever have an affair. You never know who's watching. And if you do find someone worthy, be sure to head out to the suburbs. Never do it in the city". I was 26. His words stunned me. I had no idea why he was saying this. Needless to say, I didn't get the job, but I did learn that even big cities are like small towns. From then on, I've tried hard not to be unkind to people. At least publicly. At least in the city.
The other night, my close friend invited us to her children's birthday celebration. We were invited to their home for a most wonderful family dinner party. I dressed myself up in my most flattering black and white wrap dress. I wore my red TOMS wedges. I even suffered with a pair of ill-fitting spanx. My children were appropriately groomed too. My girl in a sweet striped GAP summer frock and the boy in a sweet Ralph Lauren shirt with blue anchor shorts. We looked legit. And our hair was brushed. The three of us.
My lovely friend was happy to see us and the children took to playing immediately. I was content to meet the extended family. Six brothers and sisters and their various partners made 11 in total. Before I arrived, I told myself to act demure. Only speak when spoken to. If anything, play the shy card. After all, they didn't know how wonderfully charming i could be.
I sat myself down in front of the wonderfully baked fig & brie and waited for the evening to unfold. The middle brother was a sweetheart. I found him handsome. Charming. His sweet smile warmed my heart. We seemed to bond over some similar mental health issues and I tried hard to keep that distance between POLITE and FLIRTY. We chatted about my husband. He gushed about his ex-girlfriend. He companied about his job. I was fully engaged. I liked him. Knowing their were many sisters beside me, I kindly ended our chat and turned towards on of the woman.
Seated on my right side was the older sister. Pretty girl, though not as pretty as my dear friend. I complimented her dress. I genuinely adored the blue and white piece. I acted shocked when she admitted that she was 10 years older than I had guessed. Her skin was perfect I heard myself say. And it was. In five minutes i knew where she lived, how many acres her home was built on, and what she did for work. I also learned what she had done for a job in the past ten years. I knew where she vacationed. I knew where she shopped. I had seen not only a few pictures of her stunning children, but also recent paintings she had created. I ooohed and ahhhed in the correct places. I particularly liked the paintings of the boats. Truth be told, I enjoyed chatting with her and i thought for sure the feeling was mutual. I was wrong.
As the night went on and my children became more exhausted, I was sure my perfect appearances were going to pot. My son busted out his Broadway tunes and began to dominate the evening. At four, he has a savant memory for every song he hears and the crowd went wild. This lovely family was literally singing along with my boy. Like he was Billy Joel. The piano man. It was adorable, but i was sure they'd think it was my fault that he was so "out there". So very out of control.
One of the sisters is a school teacher. She went on about how bright my boy is. Her feeling was that we should take him out of his current school. She believed an alternative school would suit him better. Funny, she didn't even know our situation from this past year. I told her she was perceptive and thanked her for the kind words. As i spoke, I kept my legs crossed and hoped my dress wasn't as low cut as it seemed from my vantage point.
By 11pm, my eyelids were getting heavy and I rounded up the children. Politely, they said their goodbyes and we headed home. A lovely evening indeed.
Well, you can imagine my surprise when my friend sent this text, "as soon as you left they were bad mouthing you". Seriously? Come on! I was on my best behaviour.
Apparently they didn't think so. They thought i was "out there". Me? Whatever did THAT mean. They thought I was a know it all, trying to be smart. Funny, because actually i just AM smart. They really didn't like me. Not even their 80 year old mother liked me. At first my feelings were hurt, but then i realized you need to go to the source. These people don't like my amazing friend either. Why? Because she is a warm, beautiful, accomplished, intelligent, worldly woman. She has more class in her left finger than they have in their whole persons. Combined.
When i think back to the party, I try to recall what i could have said or done that was so egregious. Nothing seemed to stand out. Save for my son's singing debut. Clearly they thought i was trying to pick up their brother. I guess they didn't know that i know better than to do that. At least not in the middle of the city. Grow up girls. Namaste ladies...
