Go ahead and ask me? I dare you. Why is your house such a wreck? How come you can't manage to "work from home" and keep a tidy home? What do you do all day long?
Well, for starters, I have two kids. Yes, you remember them. The loves of my lives. Mi vida. Mi cielo. Love them, but they bring mess everywhere. Literally dirty oozes from their every pore. Honestly.
Last night I went out to walk my friend's giant black Bouvier and when i returned home, I realized all the Elmers glue was gone. So was the devil's dust. And the borax. Ten little plastic bags were missing too. What had they created in my one hour absence? SLIME. Homemade squishy and glittery slime. I'll admit, I was impressed. Definitely there was a cool factor. Fun factor. But the remnants of their scientific art project were everywhere. Spoons full of GOOP. No, not gwenyth's newsletter. Real and sticky slimy goop. What was SHE thinking with that silly name? Or conscious uncoupling? Let's not digress.
So there were straws strewn about. The counter tops were messy. My bare feet stuck to our new hard wood floors. It was disgusting. One hour gone and my whole first floor was a disaster.
I didn't freak out, i didn't really care. I'm used to it by now. Sometimes i feel i spend my days attempting to clean the place. Once i tried to count how many times an hour i bent to pick up stuff. You know, small objects like lego and dried pasta shells. Paper pieces which cover my floors. My four year old has an obsessive issue with cutting computer paper. Recently we found he hoards reams in his dresser!? I'm used to the slightly white tone of our floors made so by his love of the stuff.
Don't get me started on rainbow loom elastics. Really, don't get me started.
Everything the kids eat seems to land on the floor. Or coat the table. Or coat the table and then drip to those said hardwood floors. Milk, juice, tomato sauce. Crumbs from cookies. Or fish and chips. Cereal never makes it to their mouth in time.
But they're kids. And my mom told me the house would out live me one day. So i try not to care.
Each family member has a shoe problem. We each possess about 190 pairs. Running shoes, tennis shoes, sandals, flip flops, hiking boots. Ice skates. And then in the winter there are the ski boots. And the skis. I went so far as to have custom shoe closets built in our front mudroom. I also built two coat closets. We have a coat rack. Yet every evening I comb the house, picking up used jackets. Looking for the match to the silver ballet flats.
Yesterday we hit the ultimate in home mess disaster. My boy had lovingly made the family an organic banana, strawberry, blueberry and raspberry smoothie in our new NINJA blender. (shameless plug: best blender ever) He was so proud of his creation and we were all enjoying. He went upstairs to grab some, um, paper and when he came down he tripped. And by tripped, I mean down the flight of steps. Don't worry, he was okay.
What he managed to do next was amazing. The fall left him unscathed, but I can't say the same for our carpet. The runners were stained. This fact i'm okay with as I've been longing to make the change to Missoni for a while now. The walls were filthy. He managed to hit the window treatments with extreme precision. But what amazed me most was the ceiling. I looked up as he started to cry. This shake had found its way UP to the top of our hallway ceilings. Big time. What to do? Shoot, what to do? Pack up the back packs and head to school. Well, what would YOU do?
Of course, later that day, I forgot about the state of my house and invited a friend over for lunch. I roasted fish, cut beets, chopped egg, etc. We had a lovely time and then went out for coffee. Later that day, my daughter had a friend over for an ice cream playdate. And when we left for the kids' haircuts, we left the place in disarray. Ceilings included.
We returned close to 6 only to have another kid come over for a snack. Surely no one else feeds their kids sugar. Maybe that's why I'm so popular with the under ten set? As a group we headed to gymnastics. Came home, cooked a second dinner. This time it was perogis and onions. Greek salad and pita.
By nine o'clock i was ready to leave the kids and head to NYC. I was exhausted. Laundry had seemed to pile up everywhere. I had loaded the dishwasher just before school pick up, but now the sink was full again. And the countertops too.
My kids fought me about bed time. Again. So i took to my favourite spot to troll Instagram. When my husband walked in, he was furious. What had happened? What did i do all day. What were all the stuffies doing in the entrance way? (i had cleared them out in an effort to donate them to the needy. My mess could be someone's happiness, right?)
So he tried picking up stray shoes. And loose change. He started hanging a few spring jackets. He was furious.
Thankfully it was too dark to notice the smoothie. This morning's going to be a treat...no doubt.
