It's sort of funny. About 6 weeks ago, I was desperate to find someone to see the movie CHEF with me. I emailed 7 different local female friends. Each one had an excuse. Most were honest. Working late. Up at the "cottage". No sitter. Plans for dinner. Exhausted. Out for drinks. Spending the night with my man. He wants me home tonight. Ugh. I think this one was the most annoying, but i digress.
I sent a few texts by phone and then resorted to a posting on Facebook. Since i have close to 700 "friends" on FB, i was sure that SOMEONE would be free to come see a 90 minute film with me. After all, the movie is a beautifully shot food picture. Sounds way better than "hanging with your man" to me.
After waiting an hour, i learned that there was not anyone in the city of Toronto who was able to join me for the evening. Wow. Was i disappointed. As it turned out, my own unreliable child care provider cancelled on me at the last minute. A movie was not in the cards for me that early summer night.
I'm sure i spent a large part of that Tuesday surfing the internet, checking out Facebook, instagram, Houzz, and Twitter. I know that i had to sit through copious amounts of pictures of parents sending their children off to sleep away summer camps. They posted about tears and sadness. How would they ever endure a quiet, empty clean home for two weeks? Days later, these same parents are still posting pictures of every single thing their offspring is doing at camp. On a daily basis. Every. Single. Activity.
I'm totally annoyed by this phenomenon. I mean, is there actually a photographer following young campers from archery to swimming to tennis and then volleyball? Each and everyday? There are even pictures of these said kids just hanging around and applying sunscreen. It's creepy. Often I wonder if the photographer is a professional? Then i hope it's just a high school staff with a SLR camera? What makes it worse, is that i know these parents had to siphon through hundreds of pictures online to find their little ones. Not an easy task. Believe me, I've done it. And I do adore my friends kids, I just don't need to see every popsicle they eat at camp.
But anyway, I did manage to finally see CHEF when i was back in NYC. I loved it. Went with my sister who had zero appreciation for the amazing production and complained that it was a 90 minute Twitter advertisement. While I really enjoyed the movie, I realized that although it feels like i have friends all over the globe, in all reality, i probably do not.
So all this lead up to tell you that last night i went on a major UN-FRIENDING mission. I went ballistic. It was a wee bit insane. I don't know what came over me, but I'm pretty sure it was the closest i'll ever get to going on a full blown killing spree. Actually, I'm completely sure.
The massacre started because last night there was yet another NYC friend bugging me to join a multi-level marketing organization. Come on. I've been through this already. Vitamins, protein shakes, jewelry, clothes, stationery, skin care, etc. What's next? And when did Avon-like tupperware sales become the new GO TO career choice for smart and accomplished stay at home moms? I wish them great luck in their newest endeavours, but if they couldn't join me for a movie, then I didn't want another invite to their wine and cheese "party".
So i de-friended these girls first. I just couldn't see another BEFORE picture of their old aunts' wrinkly necks. Two down and I was feeling brave.
I got rid of ten women who used to be involved in the work i did about 8 years ago. Women i had met through working in the baby industry back when i had a baby. Often i was sure that these ladies were stalking me or at least checking out my photos on a regular basis. They were not my friends and they had to be deleted.
Twelve down. Next were the high school girls who i hadn't seen since high school. For a time, it was fun to see their posts, but heading dangerously close to 40, i was now over it. I think i got rid of 5 or 6 women with this criteria.
There have been tons of people who never comment on my posts at all. Never a like for a cute picture. Never a comment for a serious quote. That group was going down. I estimate them to be about 7.
Finally, I just deleted another 26 for good measure. People who post about religion. People who post too many quotes about puppies and kitties. "Friends" who post all their girls nights out and never manage to invite me. Families who post pool pictures, but never ask us to come for a swim. Women who put up too many bikini shots. They all had to go. And fast.
By the end of the day, I felt pretty good and decided to alert my true "friends" about what i had done. Their responses made me giggle.
My post read, " i'm on a mission---un-friending people like mad...Feel good, if you can read this, then i haven't hit you just yet :)
So far, in less than 12 hours, I've had close to 50 people comment on this status update. People I haven't heard from in years asking kindly that i keep them as friends.
One lady begged to stay, claiming she adores my food posts. One male friend threatened to block me if i delete him and then poke me unmercifully. Another friend was curious as to what criteria i used to cull?
I found their words charming. I was flattered. They like me. They really really like me. And at the end of this one sided war, I was happy with the hundreds of friends I had left.
Next time I'm searching for a friend to see a movie with me, I'll see how quickly someone says "yes".
Breathe, smile and drinks lots of water. Namaste.
