Have you ever plucked a vibrant flower from the ground because you thought you'd enjoy it better somewhere else? Like maybe in your new glass floral Tiffany vase? Or even just in your hipster little mason jar that you bought at Whole Foods.
Have you ever driven by someone else's fluffy white and blue hydrangeas and thought how you'd just like to cut a few and take them for your own? Or their lilac bush? How pretty the delicate purple flowers would look and smell in your living room.
Don't lie, it happens to the best of us. Often we're drawn to those blossoms and believe they'll fare better where we place them.
Or displace them.
And tonight, I feel like those said flowers. Perhaps not so lovely that you'd want to snip me up and put me in your kitchen, but i feel pretty damn close. It's summer. Tomorrow is august. The sun has been shining like mad in Toronto. Lots of us are complaining because we're so darn hot. We're sweating. Our AC is pumping and we still can't keep cool So we complain and dream about fall. When we can wear our boots again. And our jeans. When will our kids will be back in school full time.
But then the cold will come and we'll complain. It's what we do. And we do it well.
But i digress.
Earlier today i was feeling like those mistreated flowers. But suddenly i'm thinking about the potatoes my son and i picked this past week. Or the strawberries? Or maybe it's a sugar snap pea. It's hard to decide. We've done a lot of picking lately. All of it legal and never from a friends garden.
We've made great use of the produce we've pulled from the ground. From their roots. We've made strawberry smoothies and gazpacho soup. Today i made a fresh tomato sauce and then i added the sugar snap peas to my green salad. I roasted a few of our potatoes, but surely the other 24 will go bad.
Because bad is often what happens when you pull stuff from their roots. You think you'll find a better home for it, for them. You think the fruit/flower/vegetable will be great for your family. Taste delicious. Look gorgeous.
But then, all too often, you take stuff from their roots and later find the need to compost the remains.
So i'm not a flower. I"m not a fruit. And i'd hardly classify as a potato, so why wax on?
Why the long face?
I'm not so sure why, but I'm sad today. I'm sad, because in less than 2 weeks i'll be pulled from my home and displaced.
Yes, i know i've been begging for this for years. Complaining that i'd fare better in a different place. I promised I'd thrive closer to my old roots. But as i think about it, i'm not so sure anymore.
After all, I've now called TO home for exactly 14 years. 14 adult years.
I only ever lived with my parents for 17 years and i hardly recall the first 4 or 5. So, theoretically, I have more memories of life in TO than I do anywhere else. Sure, I've lived in Spain and Argentina and those were grand times. I've lived in CT, MO, NY, VT and even CA. I loved all of my time in those places, but lately, TO is feeling like home.
Both my kids were born here. I completed my master's degree here. I got engaged here. Married.
I've started businesses in TO. I've made countless wonderful friends. Friends who mean the world to me. A few of my favourite friends I can be happy with while doing so very little. A grocery shop, Walmart, Target, Costco. Nothing fancy, but the time is precious.
But let's not sugar coat it. I've been sick in TO too. Very sick. I've had visits to specialists and hospitals. Heck, I nearly died here. And that wasn't good. No, those weren't good days at all.
But now as i prepare to uproot and reroot, i feel anxious. I know i'm going home, but what have i become? What will i become?
I'm grateful for my time here and i'm pretty excited for our next adventure. I just find it hard to leave the roots i've worked so hard to grow.
But like those flowers, potatoes and even sugar snap peas before me, I know i'm strong. I'll be great someplace new. Hopefully i'll blossom when I finally plant myself again.
Namaste Toronto.
xo
