Different days

 You chided me.  "You and I have different days". 

What?? It was like a brick to my gut. I felt angry. Demeaned. Sad. Do you really notice nothing that I do? Is my contribution to our home and family worth so much less than yours. Or maybe nothing at all.  

So I turned away and clutched my iPhone and thought about my day

My Thursday started at 4:30am. That's the time our precious 5 year old decided it was time to wake up. And since he didn't want to be up alone, he found me. Sadly he didn't want to cozy in my bed and gorge on Netflix. He had a different plan. He wanted to plan his upcoming birthday.  In detail. Right down to the loot bags. And it is still September. His birthday is in December.  Once he and I agreed on a theme (he wants a hockey skating party) we went onto the menu, snacks and he even convinced me to let the boys sleep over.  

And suddenly it was five am. This felt like a more appropriate time to get up. So I did. Slowly I went upstairs to begin breakfast. My boy requested eggs, sunny side up. With toast. And the toast needed not to be too crispy. Loads of butter too. For sure at 7, my girl would come down with a completely different breakfast idea. 

And then for a little lunch magic.  I gathered all of our sustainable containers and began to create two perfect lunch kits. She prefers hot food like pasta or chicken and rice. He won't eat hot food at school because he doesn't believe it will stay warm enough for his gourmand self. 

Healthy snacks. Beautifully crafted carrots and cucumbers that will probably never be eaten. I always add in a fruit or two. This day was mango and berries. 

Then we'll go through our morning dance. Did you brush your teeth?  Brush your hair. "But i did". Brush it again. You need running shoes for gym. With socks. Why are you wear sweatpants? It's 95 degrees. 

And then inevitably as we are heading towards the door, there will be an assignment to sign.  Money needed for class pictures or a project. And so ill scramble. Surely they didn't know about this the night before?

In the car ride over to school I will blast music. Their music. I'll suffer through Beiber and Demi Lovato so I don't have to hear them fighting about nothing. 

I will kiss them goodbye and wish them wonderful days. And I always mean it. 

My first stop will be to take your clothes to the new dry cleaners. Apparently the old place isn't up to snuf. 

I'll drive over to our new house which isn't complete yet.  I'll check on the workers. Some days I bring them coffee and donuts. I'll deliver whatever i purchased the day before. Light fixtures, knobs. Whatever.  

I'll run to the grocery store to buy acceptable food for lunches.  When I come up with an interesting dinner menu, I'll purchase whatever's needed. 

This week, our girl has been invited to a bunch of birthday parties. I find a fun local store that wraps gifts and in the name of efficiency I buy all three presents at once. I'll have to remind our daughter at least four times to write a card. 

With the last hour and 1/2 I have before pick up, I'll zip over to the wallpaper store.  I'll pour through countless binders of papers to figure out what works for our new home. 

At 2:30, I'll race to pick up the kids.  I'll have their Swell bottles filled with fresh iced water. My head will be pounding and 

it's at that moment I'll realize I've forgotten to have lunch. Not even coffee. When I see my little ones running toward me, I'll forget about my aching head. And  I'll put away my iPhone to listen to their days' tales.  

My girl will chat it up about her new friend Charlie.  I'll giggle and call him her boyfriend. My son will remind me that all of his friends know about his imminent party. He'll beg me to charge a fee to his guests. I'll try in vain to explain how that's not acceptable. And I'll silently laugh about his budding business skills. 

We'll arrive home and tackle the evenings' routine. Dinner, showers, homework, books, bedtime. 

By the time they close their eyes I wil have been awake for 17 hours. 

On this particular day, I didn't get a manicure. Or a pedicure. Or a massage. I didn't meet a friend for lunch or coffee.  I didn't find anytime to write. I didn't watch tv. Or read a magazine. I'm sure I did talk on the phone while in transit. 

I had a wonderful day. One that started and ended with my family.

 I didn't sit in an office. I didn't use much of what was learned in MBA classes. I didn't get to laugh over a lunch meeting with colleagues.  

But what i did was valuable. What i do each day holds worth.

 Yes I'm grateful I don't have to slug it out in the rat race.  I'm glad I don't have suffer a sticky commute.  I'm glad you effortlessly handle all of the bills. And while somedays i long to wear a pencil skirt and heels, I know my current uniform is exactly as it should be. 

And I know the choice to manage my family was mine. And there's no job I'd rather have.  

Breathe. Drink water. Namaste

Dear husband

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

So actually, this didn't start as love at all. In fact that would have put you in jail. If you recall, I was 12 and you had just turned 18.  I was a fresh faced (brace faced) preteen with long hair and olive oil legs. I was tall, nearly 5 foot 9, but still yet to weigh 125 pounds. Shy, awkward around boys, yet utterly infatuated with you. 

After all you were a Canadian college kid. Or, as you people say "university" kid.   Tanned, toned and totally hot. That's my memory of you circa 1987.  You rarely smiled, you never wore shorts, and in your Benetton striped blue and white rugby I was smitten.  From that first canoe ride, I knew you were the man I would marry one day. 

And much to your chagrin, I made that no secret.  I told everyone.  When you were on canoe trips, I dragged my friends and raided your cabin.  I stole a robin's egg blue Beaver Canoe sweatshirt from your cubby.  And your pillow case.  I slept with both every night. 

I still have your sweatshirt.  And your pillowcase.  And they are both 28 years old today. 

Canoeing quickly became my favourite sport.  Going on an overnight with you was pure heaven. 

Your Canadian accent made the girls swoon and I cried as you dated 1/4 of the female staff. Including my cousin. 

And then I cried again when they chose to close our summer camp.  Cried for the friends I wouldn't see again. And mostly I bawled because I knew I'd miss you. 

But i was then close to 13 and an avid writer. You received nearly a letter a day. I think you wrote back twice...

So, who would have guessed that all this time later we would be married and the parents to two near perfect babes? 

Yup, I got you in the end. Persistence and mad good penpal skills made me the lucky winner. 

I even moved to Canada for 14 years. People around here say I sound Canadian. My kids were both born there...

And though there have been some tremendous ups, there have also been a few gut-wrenching downs.  Sometimes I bet you wished you never agreed to spend 8 weeks teaching Jewish kids from Nyc/nj how to canoe in the wilderness. 

I'm sure some days you dream that you just married some normal Canadian girl and not some wild and crazy American. 

And believe me, there are days I wish I never met you at all. 

But for the most part, I thank my lucky stars that I was a precocious and probably obnoxious kid with a crazy crush on the Canadian counsellor who taught canoeing. 

Here's how i count the ways I love you:

1)you are the most fantastic father. Loving yet stern.  Involved in everything.  You're the one who always takes them for Baskin Robbins. Even when it's snowing. They certainly think you're the fun one. 

2) I love that you taught both kids to ride bicycles. And they learned immediately. Before all their friends. So then you taught their friends...

3)because you love to cook.  And not just bbq.  You're a master in the kitchen.  This is where your creative side shines. Your presentation is always flawless.  I love your salmon ceviche on shrimp crackers the most. 

4) because after you cook (or while you are cooking) you clean up. You never leave the kitchen a mess. 

5) you never leave a mess anywhere. Ever.  In fact, one of your nicknames for me is pigpen, because mess follows me everywhere. You hate that about me. I'm sure. 

6) because after 14 years you moved me back to America. More specifically back into my parents' house!!! You took a huge job 6 months ago and left us to pursue this position. We joined you two weeks ago.  I'm still pinching myself. 

7)because you work tons but do it with grace. 

8) because you're my behind the scenes producer. You take care of the stuff no one sees. From dealing with the bills to checking on the electrical outlets, you take care details i would otherwise ignore. 

9) because you love to see the world with me. From Canada to India, Africa to Iceland,  travelling together is our happy place. And now our kids have the wanderlust bug too!!

10) and I'd be remiss if I didn't say you're also my guardian angel on earth. While I'm quite the catch myself, I'm not always the easiest person with whom to live. You have seen me at my worst and saved me from myself.  I know  you worry about my well-being  more than you worry about yourself.  

 

I'm forever grateful, even if i don't always show it. I cherish all our moments together and I'm excited about our new adventure.  This phase of our life is going to be the best part of the story!!

After all, we are team Mayer Sugarman and together we can take on the world. 

With love and respect,

Laurin 

And today's that day

Today is September 8. Aside from being the day before my birthday, it's also the first day of school for many of my friends' kids. We started last week, but in Toronto today is the day. 

And I can't help but feel sad. Homesick. Left out. By 9am I will see more back to school pictures than I ever cared to.  I'll see kids lined up in front of their perfect houses, holding chalk board signs in their ever growing hands. First day of grade one, two, three.  There will be close ups of backpacks and lunches.  By 9:15 I'll see lots of smiling faces.  Beaming about going back to school.  These faces will all belong to my girlfriends. Actually by now,  even the kids will be happy to get back to a routine.  

But first we will see the end of summer pics. A few last camp shots, barbecues, and definitely a s'more or two. There will be beach photos and bikinis too.  

I'll pour through tons of these memories in the making and I'll feel left out and empty. It's the first time since we've moved back to America that life here will feel real. 

We've truly left our home of 14 years and it seems the city is functioning without us. My kids' school bell in toronto will ring at its regular time. Kids will run down our old street. They'll pack into that overcrowded building and my two will be absent. Today and everyday. 

While I'm so grateful to technology for keeping us connected, I can't help but feel lonely. And upset that I won't be there at drop off.  I'll miss the walk over to our favourite coffee shop.  And then at 3:10 today I'll miss my favourite time to catch up with the mama drama. The playground politics.  

Don't get me wrong. I love my new town school.  I already adore a big bunch of the new parents. It's just that I had built those friendships for 7 plus years

So when I come home for a visit Toronto, please don't take me to the CN tower. I'm not interested in the latest restaurant. Or the coolest stores. 

But please let me back in the circle at the playground.  Let me catch up with you about quick dinner and lunch prep ideas. Tell me your new crockpot tricks.  Invite me to grocery shop with you again. I loved it and I'd take it over a fancy dinner out any day...

I only want to be part of your ordinary. Your everyday. Even though I'm so far away. Today and always. 

Miss you loads. 

Stay at home.

Dear family,

Since you're all still sleeping, I thought I'd use my free time to send you a thank you note. A love letter, if you will.  After all, the whites are washing and there must be at least 32 minutes left in the cycle. 

Speaking of which, I love to do your laundry.  Yes, I really do. Some days I remind myself how lucky I am to have a masters degree and a private school education. Surely all my knowledge of art history and psychology gives me a leg up with stain removal and the like.  

Not only do I love the act of doing your laundry, but I enjoy scanning the house searching for your dirty clothes.  This is most fun before a school day when you desperately need your black sparkly leggings. I search and search and then usually find said item in a ball. Crumbled. On your bedroom floor. 

I also love to wash towels. Especially the ones you use once to shower.  Or to swim. Don't even get me started on water preservation. Planet  Earth be damned. 

I also really enjoy packing your lunches. I love the high of running through various grocery stores to find the items you happen to love this week. A specific kind of Turkey for sandwiches? Nitrate free.  A Portuguese bun? Organic milk boxes? I'm on it.  

And because I'm so good I'll be sure to wrap everything in sustainable packaging   Mostly because i live to wash lunch containers after a long school day.  What I love even more is finding the containers at the bottom of your bag early the next morning. Cleaning out moldy peaches starts anyone's day with a smile. 

And your water bottles. I love that you're all so environmental. I love that you look down on plastic water vessels. I'm happy to buy you multiple new clean and green bottles. Sigg, swell, you name it, you have it. And don't worry if you lose my favourite bottle. I'm good with the old bpa ridden plastic ones. 

I also enjoy that you have so many hobbies. What with guitar and skiing and singing and tennis, you'll be the most well rounded kids in town. I enjoy shuttling you from place to place. Actually I do. Because while I loathe to drive, I love the time to hear you chat about your day. I honestly do. 

And then comes dinner.  Because I do virtually nothing all day while you're at school, I have plenty of time to meal prep. I'm happy to go to whole foods for your organic salmon and then run over to the Barns for that sauce you like so much. And then because I love you, I'll also stop at Shoprite for those mini ice creams you seem to adore.  Don't worry that they're three times the price of the normal stuff. 

  And I'll always have avocados on hand for a last minute guacamole.  I'll always stock your flour tortillas in case you fancy a cheese quesadilla or a fish taco.  One of you will only eat whole wheat bread and sadly the other only white. I vow to keep plenty of appropriate bread in the house at all times.  Because that's the kind of mom I am. 

And last but not least (i could go on all day) please be sure to always give me the stacks of school paper work as we are rushing to school in the morning. I don't mind filling out the contact information, emergency numbers, etc all while trying to scramble your eggs. Two ways.  

So my angels, I thank you for keeping me busy. Thank you for keeping me in yoga clothes.  I never liked dressing up anyway. And showering is for the weak. 

And most of all, Thank you for keeping me out of the workforce.  What would I do with a hefty pay check anyway?   Love you to the moon and back. 

Your mommy

Ps. My birthday is in 6 days and I want a Cartier watch and a vacation