I was lying in bed with my nine year old, helping her to fall asleep. Maybe that was my first problem...
Since it was 9pm, I was in my comfy clothes, a black tank top and black drawstring pants. We're staying with my parents and my girl is sleeping in a tiny twin bed. To save space, I cuddled her while on my side. It was dark.
Warm and cozy, we were chatting about the day and getting sleepy as my darling husband entered the room. He sat beside me and rubbed my shoulder. Such a sweetie pie, I thought to myself. And then with no warning, he says, out loud, "if only we could just cut this off mommy, she'd be good". I gasped. Audibly. Cut what?
My long hair? Nope.
I'm afraid he was referring to my post two kids overweight weight, non flat belly. It was sad and shocking. And mostly completely egregious. I'm 41, I can mostly handle it. But my precious girl is only 9. And she can't.
Instead of decapitating him, I kissed my baby doll goodnight and walked away. When I got downstairs I cried my eyes off. The next day I ignored him entirely. How does one deal with those who are less bright?
My daughter never spoke of this night. I'm hoping she was so tired that it flew over her head. Maybe she didn't hear it at all as she fell into slumber?
I'm a mother who doesn't use the word fat or skinny. At least not around my kids. Ever. I don't talk about diets or treadmills, carbs or protein. Yes, my kids know all about living healthy, but only in a positive way. From butter chicken and naan to crepes and sushi too, they're good eaters and live to eat. They also love to be active.
But just last year I pulled my kid from both ballet and gymnastics. Too many other mothers kept praising her for being so skinny. "You're so skinny, you're a perfect ballerina". "You're so skinny you look great in that leotard". Really? How about strong, graceful, fit? Same thing happened at gymnastics. Yes, my kids are thin. Skinny even. But they eat everything. They eat nonstop. But both are also extremely sporty and most likely they have good genes. MY genes!
My entire life, I was the skinny one. The perfect ballerina. The girl who ate everything. I was the five foot 9 girl who could wear a size six or even a four. I was comfortable at 128 pounds. Lord help me.
But with both kids I gained an insane amount of weight and I'm struggling to lose it. And when I say STRUGGLING, I mean that honestly. It's a battle. Every. Single. Day. Pizza and cookies literally speak to me. And the thought of grilled chicken over romaine lettuce makes me want to hurl. Twice.
While it's a battle I'm fighting each day, it's certainly one I didn't plan on sharing with my loving spouse. And yes, would cutting off my gut make me skinnier, sexier and more attractive? Seems he would believe this to be so. And perhaps he's right? But then I'd have to hear about the nasty scars. And believe me, those would run deep. Very deep.
Actually, come to think of it, they already do. Namaste
