ROOTS>

Have you ever plucked a vibrant flower from the ground because you thought you'd enjoy it better somewhere else?  Like maybe in your new glass floral Tiffany vase?  Or even just in your hipster little mason jar that you bought at Whole Foods.

  Have you ever driven by someone else's fluffy white and blue hydrangeas and thought how  you'd just like to cut a few and take them for your own?  Or their lilac bush? How pretty the delicate purple flowers would look and smell in your living room.

 Don't lie, it happens to the best of us.  Often we're drawn to those blossoms and believe they'll fare better where we place them.

Or displace them.

And tonight, I feel like those said flowers.  Perhaps not so lovely that you'd want to snip me up and put me in your kitchen, but i feel pretty damn close.  It's summer.  Tomorrow is august.  The sun has been shining like mad in Toronto.  Lots of us are complaining because we're so darn hot.  We're sweating.  Our AC is pumping and we still can't keep cool  So we complain and dream about fall.  When we can wear our boots again.  And our jeans.  When will our kids will be back in school full time.

But then the cold will come and we'll complain.  It's what we do.  And we do it well.

 But i digress.

Earlier today i was feeling like those mistreated flowers.  But suddenly i'm thinking about the potatoes my son and i picked this past week.  Or the strawberries? Or maybe it's a sugar snap pea.  It's hard to decide.  We've done a lot of picking lately.  All of it legal and never from a friends garden.

We've made great use of the produce we've pulled from the ground.  From their roots.  We've made strawberry smoothies and gazpacho soup.  Today i made a fresh tomato sauce and then i added the sugar snap peas to my green salad.  I roasted a few of our potatoes, but surely the other 24 will go bad.

Because bad is often what happens when you pull stuff from their roots.  You think you'll find a better home for it, for them.  You think the fruit/flower/vegetable will be great for your family.  Taste delicious.  Look gorgeous.

But then, all too often, you take stuff from their roots and later find the need to compost the remains.

So i'm not a flower. I"m not a fruit.  And i'd hardly classify as a potato, so why wax on?

Why the long face?

I'm not so sure why, but I'm sad today.  I'm sad, because  in less than 2 weeks i'll be pulled from my home and displaced.

Yes, i know i've been begging for this for years.  Complaining that i'd fare better in a different place.  I promised I'd thrive closer to my old roots.  But as i think about it, i'm not so sure anymore.

After all, I've now called TO home for exactly 14 years.  14 adult years.

I only ever lived with my parents for 17 years and i hardly recall the first 4 or 5.  So, theoretically, I have more memories of life in TO than I do anywhere else.   Sure, I've lived in Spain and Argentina and those were grand times.  I've lived in CT, MO, NY,  VT and even CA.  I loved all of my time in those places, but lately, TO is feeling like home.

Both my kids were born here.  I completed my master's degree here.  I got engaged here.  Married.

I've started businesses in TO.  I've made countless wonderful friends.  Friends who mean the world to me.  A few of my favourite friends I can be happy with while doing so very little.  A grocery shop, Walmart, Target, Costco.  Nothing fancy, but the time is precious.

But let's not sugar coat it.  I've been sick in TO too.  Very sick.  I've had visits to specialists and hospitals.  Heck, I nearly died here.  And that wasn't good.  No, those weren't good days at all.

But now as i prepare to uproot and reroot, i feel anxious.  I know i'm going home, but what have i become?  What will i become?

I'm grateful for my time here and i'm pretty excited for our next adventure.  I just find it hard to leave the roots i've worked so hard to grow.

But like those flowers, potatoes and even sugar snap peas before me, I know i'm strong.  I'll be great someplace new.  Hopefully i'll blossom when I finally plant myself again.

Namaste Toronto.
xo

i'll wear purple

So tonight my five year old and i went out for dinner with my husband's 2nd cousin.  She's an awesome older lady, though i'm not quite sure exactly how old she is.  I do know that she's lived in her current house for 45 years.  She has four grown sons.  Many grandkids too.  One of her grandkids is even a lawyer. Most of all, I know she's amazing.  She's fabulous, but a spring chicken she is not.

I've always been drawn to cousin Martha.  Her warm smile, her loving heart, her wonderfully positive outlook on life.  Her generosity.  Even just tonight, after supper, we went back to chat at her place.  Right away, she gave my boy a huge Lindt chocolate bar and let him fill his pockets with hershey kisses.  He was smitten from the first kiss.

At dinner, as we shared our classic Greek salad and brown bread, we laughed and laughed.  Chatting with her was like chatting to a girlfriend.  A contemporary.  We talked about Argentina, France and what's going down in Greece.  We discussed family and friendships and everything in between.

Martha lost her husband many years ago, but never did lose herself.  Just looking at her, you know that she's a woman filled with vim. Her hair is perfectly kept.  I know for a fact that she gets it done  with John each friday before meeting a girlfriend for breakfast next door.  Her shellacked  nails were the most lovely shade of purple.  Perhaps you'd call it lilac?  The nails matched her gorgeous purple patterned sweater and it was wonderful.  Who knew a paint choice could be so important?

While we dined, people passed by and warmly greeted her.  I felt like i was sitting with the queen.  She laughed and disagreed when i told her she was like royalty.  Never would she consider herself a queen.  Or even a princess.

To me she's a superwoman and i wish we could have hung out forever.  

She told me about how her husband fell ill with Parkinsons many years earlier.  The best part of his illness was the male caregiver, Alex, they hired to help out.  Alex cried like a baby when her husband passed away.  Martha says he was like a brother to them.

Twenty four years later, Alex is still part of their family.  Till this day she holds him in the highest esteem because he cared for her David so lovingly.  As a recent gift, she sent Alex and his family home to the Philipines for the month.  Plane tickets and all.  Why?  Because she said he deserved it.  I think i saw a tear in her eye...

I was sad when we had to say our goodbyes, but we were getting tired.  But I left feeling enlightened and happy.  Warm and safe.  I drove home having a better understanding of who I am and what i want to be known as in my circle.

I went into my house feeling okay about the situation i'm in.  Just fine with the big fight i'm having with a friend.  As a matter of fact, now i feel totally at peace with the fact that i'm no longer talking to this said friend.  Why?  Because i wasn't impressed by how she treated people.  My cleaning lady.  My babysitter.  My son.  And me.  Unlike cousin Martha, she's not kind to others.

Perhaps one day she and I will make up, but it will never be the same.  Aunt Martha doesn't stand on ceremony with people she loves, but she only loves those who are worthy.  Life's too short and life's too long.  No time to be with the wrong people and not enough time to be with the right ones.

I'm excited about spending more hours with cousin Martha.  I think next time i'll wear purple too.
lots of love,
xo