Instawhat?

So in full disclosure, I'll admit that I'm a social media addict. It's true. Sadly, it's really really true.  

I check my facebook as soon as I wake up in the morning. I can't fall asleep until I see what's going on on Instagram.  My husband is sure I spend more time on facebook than I do working in real life. My dad is sure my thumbs will fall off. Last spring he even wished this to be true...

When I stop to think about it, I'd say it's all a bit crazy.  Checking my phone before checking on my sweet children?  Yes. Absolutely. Perusing facebook updates while I wait at school pick up. Pretend to be busy while visiting friends instagram account.  Yeah, it's a bizarre habit I just can't, just won't shake. 

Once in a while I'll wonder what it is exactly that I'm  looking for on facebook? A birthday of a friend I haven't seen in two decades?  Photos of a friend's child's second birthday?  Frozen theme.  Cupcakes and all. Vacation pictures of all my lovely friends? Or maybe a special direct message from someone?  Anyone.

There are days when I just scroll through pictures and quotes to relax. Unwind. 

And then there are days where I'm more active.  I comment. I wish happy birthdays.   I like.  I even post. Pictures too. Lots of them.

I could pose the question, why do I post? Why does anyone post?  Sure, it's a nice easy way for me to share photos with friends around the world. Yes, it's a nice way to update and keep in touch.  But does anyone truly need to see my kids flailing around in the Caribbean ocean while they're freezing to death in Canada and nyc?  Does anyone really need to know what I'm making for dinner?  Or what I made my kids for breakfast? (Don't check this week as we're on vacation and eating copious amounts of nutella). Does anyone actually care to see all the new puppy pictures? First day of school?  Halloween?  

Sometimes I laugh to myself.  I wake up knowing there is going to be a frenzy of facebook activity.  It could be the start of fall.  End of September. A sunny and crisp Sunday morning.  I know for a fact that by 3pm there will be apple picking pictures galore.  Kids dressed in jeans and t-shirts. Crocs on because summer has just passed us.  The requisite pix include kids reaching for the shiny apples. Munching an apple that stills growing on the tree.  A young girl kart wheeling through the fields (I love this one). And then the final bushels.  The grand haul. The babies sitting on said bushels. 

By day's end there are shots of families making applesauce.  Apple pies. Anything Apple. For instagram there are closeups of the ingredients. Before and after shots make ideal material for instagram likes.  I mean really, who doesn't love apple pie ?!

But I'm not judging.  I'm an offender.  A really bad one at that.  I do all the cliche things. I post all the typical shots. Apple picking, pumpkin picking, pickle making, hockey games, skiing, skating.  You name it, if my kids look cute, I'm filming.  iPhone only.  My kids are professional posers.  They even know better than to taste their meal before mommy takes a picture. They're totally sick of me. I'm so paparazzi.  I'm so annoying. 

I'd like to think that sometimes I post things that are more interesting? A bit more cheeky maybe?  Like just yesterday I posted (to both facebook and instagram) a full frontal shot of a pan of onion rings.  They were delicious and seemed to be a crowd pleaser.  Who knew everyone loved onion rings. 

I try my best not to be overly boasty or Braggy.  Sometimes it's hard. We were lucky enough to spend the winter holidays in iceland. And then London and then Paris.  Kind of hard not to look obnoxious as your kids are posing outside the Louvre or the Eiffel Tower.  Kind of hard not to look like a show off as you celebrate your 9 year old's birthday at Disney. Paris Disney...

While we were away, I focused mostly on family experiences.  Eating baguettes until we exploded. Fondue dinner.  Awesome market shopping.   Swimming in the blue lagoon in iceland.  

I'm sure to some I seem like a total jerk from my IG feed. I must look like someone who lives for my kids, eating, traveling... And we'll basically that nails it?!

But I'm forty and I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. So Facebook and instagram are my vices.  Could be worse.  What concerns me more are my children's relationship with the online world.  My 9 year old daughter has had a gmail address since she was born and she opened an Instagram account last year.  She's not the only one.  All of her friends are on Instagram and I know this because i follow each and every one of them.  To me it's important. It's my way to keep tabs.  I remember friending my now 21 year old niece on Facebook many years ago.  It was scary to watch some of her posts.  She was just doing teenage stuff, but somehow captured online it seemed vile. I always felt torn about weather to tell her parents?? I never wanted her to hate me so for the most part I kept my mouth shut. 

But now the mother of a daughter, I don't keep my mouth shut.  I try to watch the posts my girl's friends write. Some are way more wholesome than others. Some are way more self involved than others. Some have really bad spelling and grammar, but i digress.  

As I watch these young girls share their days online I wonder.  Has Instagram become a nonstop popularity contest?  Does the kid with the cutest dog, fish, iguana win?  Do the girls feel compelled to compete? Compelled to photograph anything they feel is interesting.  And what's with the heart button? Are they (we) really only fishing to be liked??

I worry about feelings being hurt.  Groups of girls posing together.  What if your girl is left out from a gathering.  I know that can happen because it's happened to me. And even as an adult it never feels good to be left out of the festivities.  

But back to this constant quest to be liked. To be loved.  What does it mean for our kids.  What kind of world is it when my daughter poses with an awesome spider monkey on the beach and then asks me to borrow the phone to "Insta" as she calls it.  

I feel thankful that my kid isn't fully obsessed. Yet. Maybe it's because she doesn't have her own device. Maybe it's because she's really busy everyday. Or maybe because she's 9 and so far would rather play with friends or watch icarly?  I'm not sure what it is or how long it will last.   I'm just glad cameras required film when I was younger.  Especially around those prom days/nights.  I would have been haunted by that skin tight silver dress forever!l xo