namaste?

This last one was a real doozy.  No one was able to fix it.

Riley had turned one in December 2006.  We threw her a big birthday bash.  I should have known something was going on.  I felt anxious.  I felt my heart race. I forgot to order the cake.  (repeat: I forgot to order the cake). I over planned the loot bags.  I couldn't lose the

weight (all 75 pounds of it).  

Panic set in. Big time.  January 25th was the official date I lost

focus.  Suddenly I had to bow out of obligations.  No longer could I plow

head first into my little business.  The women's think tank I was working

on took a back seat in my life's schedule.  Young President's

Organizations' obligations suddenly seemed insurmountable, and I sent my

sobbing resignation.  That letter took me all day to draft and sounded

juvenile at best.  Life was falling apart.  The shake up was rapid.  Cut to

New Jersey, land of my parents.  My mother stepped in and took over.  Fear was that my daughter would be neglected. Fears were correct.  If I

couldn't feed me, how could I feed her. Forget organic, I forgot the

basics.  Then I spent February in the guest room at my parent's.  It was

more like a chalet.  Three meals a day, laundry service.. Who wouldn't want to check in for the winter months.  Then March through June my mommy moved in with us.  She was an angel and my husband a saint.  I was going to hell in a hand basket.  And quick.

 Oh boy.  Again, light boxes galore, multiple doctors in many

countries.  Nothing worked.  I couldn't get dressed.  I couldn't talk.

TEXTBOOK.  Non-functioning thirty-two year old female.  Not working. Not

talking. Not doing much of anything except hating those who were enjoying. Then one day at the end of June I woke up and I've been spinning ever since.

 It's almost December and we're off to the sunshine in a few weeks. I bought a 2-piece bathing suit last week.  I want to lose the rest of the weight.  I never want to see Missouri again.  I still take pills.  I eat many fish oil pills a day.  It still makes me sick with each swallow.  Lately, I've been reading that the fish oils help to burn fat.  I think I'll up my dose. I'm happy.  

  Thank the lord.  I think I'll stick to one kid. As my good friend once

Said, “One child is an accessory, and any more you're implicated”.  Breathe and drink water.  A fish pill here and there doesn't hurt either. Namaste...